i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
