Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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