Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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