She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
