i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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