The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
