just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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