At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and she was petting her beer can
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
