So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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