so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
