i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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