dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
