i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
