Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
