Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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