dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
