o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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