before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
