She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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