It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
