What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
