You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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