Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
