Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
