Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
