i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Girls should come with a carfax report
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
