is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
