Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
