Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it hurts more in the daytime
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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