the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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