he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
