I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
