Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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