I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
