we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
