I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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