i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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