Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
