Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am spending my child support on dildos
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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