First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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