did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she looked like the before picture.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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