he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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