we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
