This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
