he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
