You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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