Yo dont text me then not text me
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
