a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
