In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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