im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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