he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
