I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
