Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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