So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
