my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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